Eating Your Feelings at the Airport

Airports. Love em’ or hate em’ they seem to incite some pretty odd behavior in all of us, regardless of our destination. 

On a normal day, I’ll sit at my desk for five hours with my bladder about to explode, before I’ll actual make it to the bathroom. Get me in an airport; I’ve visited the restroom 14 times in a 2-hour time span. 

I don’t know what it is, but there’s just something about an airport that makes me scared of wetting or starving myself.

Here, some of my favorite airport/airplane behaviors:

•          Snack pack – In real life, sometimes I go a long time without eating. I’ll hang out in my office until I’m at the absolute edge of hunger madness before I’ll actually go out and hunt for a salad.  I’d rather eat almonds from 2008 than tear myself away from email.  At the airport, it’s a different story.  I’ll eat a hearty lunch and then spend $45 at Hudson News on cashews, a protein bar, hard candies, mints & gum for a 45-minute flight.

•           Thirst – Maybe I’ve seen a few too many episodes of “I Shouldn’t be Alive” or something, but I am obsessed with being properly hydrated before a flight. I travel fairly often, but I always manage to end up in this stressful race against time where I only have thirty seconds to kill the contents of a 20 oz. Poland Spring bottle before passing through security. Of course, after taking off my belt and socks, I must get another H20 immediately. Well, two actually. One for before the flight, and one for after. 
•         Dressing to Impress – I read somewhere in my youth about how people used to dress up when they travel.  So I always try to look presentable.  But, can someone please tell me why I choose to wear the most difficult outfits? While putting together my fantasy travel outfit, I always seem to pick the pants that fall down without a belt, the shirt that’s a little too revealing when you’re forced to take your jacket that’s not really a jacket off, the shoes you must wear without socks and the jewelry that takes forever to take off. 
•         Reading Material – I am a magazine ADDICT, but right now, I’m about 2 months behind on all of my subscriptions.  Get me to an airport and I’ve brought eleven magazines, a book and a newspaper.  My back may be giving out, but that’s not going to stop me from picking up a few more mags just incase I run out of reading material on my 4 hour flight.  If you emptied out my carry-on on my flights you could probably keep patients in a doctor’s waiting room entertained for a good week. 

Airplane:

•         Silly Seat-mates – I have yet to sit next to that person on a plane that finds me a new job, sweeps me off my feet or becomes my fast friend.  I always sit next to the foreigner with no socks and long toenails, the fast food toting loud eater or the heavy breather. 
•         Bathroom Break – Although, I’ve already visited the restroom 16 times at the airport, I’ve only got 2 hours on the plane and I’ve got another bottle of water to consume.  I always make sure to secure an aisle seat so I don’t annoy anyone with my over-the-top water/bathroom habits.  Seriously, I know flying can dehydrate you, but so can a lot of things – like drinking or sleeping.  I’ve made it through many eight-hour nights of sleep without water and I’m still standing. 
•           Navigation – I want to find the person that decided to let passengers know exactly where they are and strangle them.  If a flight chooses to let me know where we are via the handy seat TV screens, I’m glued to that map like I’m flying the gosh darn plane.   Honestly, does it really matter to me that I know we’re flying over Greenland? I’m stuck in a four-seater in the middle of the plane, I can’t even see out the freaking window, but I’m glued to that screen. You’d think I’d pick up one of my eighteen magazines and start reading.

I’m sure I only skimmed the surface of silly airport behavior. Please share yours in the comments below.