Cuddles and Bubbles with Ben

Well kids, the hills are alive with the sounds of lovemaking this week on The Bachelor.  It’s the creepy Fantasy Suite episode!

Tonight, I was down at Brian’s grandmother’s house.  After explaining my Bachelor blog situation, she insisted that we turn the train wreck on immediately.  Her thoughts on Bachelor Ben: “I wouldn’t even want to keep him in a closet, he looks like a moose.” 

Amber, my equally sarcastic sis, guest blogged Nikki’s date for me this evening, here she is with her short recap:

Ben meets Nikki in a lovely field with goats in Switzerland.  They enjoy a picnic and then a helicopter swoops in and whisks them to the top of the Alps. I was just waiting to see Julie Andrews out of the corner of my eye, spinning in a circle and singing at the top of her lungs, but no dice. All kidding aside, it's freaking beautiful up there.

They land the helicopter on the edge of a cliff (literally the edge, it looked like it was gonna fall to a fiery death). And have yet another picnic - whatever Nikki is super cute and bubbly and normal and Ben will probably screw it up anyway.  Then they go to a log cabin and Nikki gets an invite to spend the night with creepy Ben. Nikki, who now understands she’s going to have to go through with this staying overnight situation gets really liquored up and jumps in the hot tub professing her love for him. So I'm guessing she's goin home...

Okay, Rhi is back…

If Ben jumped off a bridge would you?

Lindzi, who really needs to get her roots done and fix a few flyaway hairs, trots towards Ben awaiting her next Bachelor adventure.  The producers must really hate this poor girl because she’s in for another death defying drop!  At least she’s allowed to keep most of her clothes on this time. Instead of jumping out of a helicopter, she gets to repel 300 feet down a gorge.  Aren’t we past the adventure dates yet?  Oh and Ben lovers, if you swooned over the beefcake in a cowboy hat, wait til’ you see him in a rock-climbing helmet with a camera mounted to the top of it. 

After Lindzi makes it to solid ground she’s instructed to disrobe and immediately get in the Swiss hot tub.  After a sensual soak, it’s dinnertime, and Bennie boy is wearing a bow tie to the table.  Once again, the dinner conversation is riveting.  He repeatedly congratulates Lindz on being really “open” and “vulnerable”. Is this all this guy has to talk about? 

Before he lets her eat anything, Ben immediately hands her an invitation and an antique key and invites her to stay “as a couple” in The Bachelor fantasy suite.  “As a couple” is ABC’s way of teaching teenage girls watching The Bachelor to only accept keys to fantasy suites if you’re going to be “doing it” as a “couple”. 

Don’t you wish every one-night stand or bedroom invite happened like that?  There you are, overserved and slurring outside a bar with the dude you’ve been sloppily kissing in a corner most of the night, when he hands you an antique key and an invite to his “fantasy suite.”

While America cringes and hides under their coffee tables, Lindzi announces that she likes where this fantasy suite date is going. Just when you think the camera is going to pan away and we can all imagine Ben and Lindzi making baby colts in the Swiss adventure suite, we get a voyeuristic view of Lindzi and Ben’s lovemaking. 

Hey Cow!

Oh, hello! Courtney and her baby voice are on the loose in the Swiss Alps.  Ben has planned a “Swiss” date for Courtney that includes a train ride and you guessed it, a picnic!  Meanwhile, somewhere on a horse farm in Florida Lindzi is throwing things at her television.

After the train ride, while Court & Ben are enjoying their 3^rd picnic together of the season, Ben shows off his “garden gnome” jig.  Ben also tells Court about this awesome game he and his sister used to play called “Hey Cow”.  To participate in a game of “HEY COW” one must simply scream “HEY COW” at poor helpless grazing cows and if they turn around, you win.  Ben’s evil little game kind of reminded me of a game my sister and I used to play called “sock balls”. The premise of “sock balls” is simple:  take off your socks, roll them into balls and throw them as hard as you can at each other. 

Forgoing their Rooms

So Ben & Court talk about her bad behavior and then she gets handed the key to the fantasy suite.  They then go back to North Conway’s log cabin Adventure Suite and make out in a barrel. 

Question: Is Ben bored with these girls, void of a personality or just plain stupid?   Maybe he’s just a perv that went on The Bachelor to have 3 guaranteed nights in a “fantasy suite” with 3 very hot ladies.

Outcome: Like the spoiler alert I read 3 months ago said, Lindzi and Courtney get the rose. Looks like Nikki’s back to cleaning teeth.

Sandpaper Chic at the 2012 Oscars

Kristen Wiig's mother clearly did not read Color Me Beautiful to her before she went to sleep like my mother did.  The funny lady has worn a different variation of nude to the last 4 awards shows.  As I've written before, Jane wouldn’t let a pale pink or off-white shade near me during the 80’s and 90’s.  My “color personality” is a “cool winter” and I should be wearing “subtle” colors like fire engine red, fuchsia and royal purple. Kristen should really have Jane do her color wheel for her. 

I always have very strong feelings about Gwyneth.  She's one of those celebs that irritates me beyond belief some days, and on other days I kind of love her.  I have a really hard time with her whole cooking show, Goop website & singing activities.  But this Tom Ford ensemble makes me want to freak out from fashion excitement. I honestly think it's my favorite red carpet dress ever.

Ugh, I don't care if you're a size 2 or 22, this dress is awful.  This frock is what fancy women wear while they do their makeup and sit at their vanity before they put on their actual dress.

Who are you? Not sure, but I'm still going to judge your outfit. I keep going back in forth on this look. I love the structured jacket, the belt and the multi-tiered skirt. But, would this look better on someone in Betty White's age range? It would also make a great mother of the bride gown.

I love Rooney Mara. I loved Girl with the Dragon Tattoo and I love a little edge on the red carpet.  I usually hate bangs, but I'm coveting hers.


A few other observations: The peplum look is blowing up, Angelina & Brad look like wax versions of themselves and Giuliana Rancic killed it.  I was also excited to see Decades owner Cameron Silver sitting with the E gals cuz I met him at a party once.  Sorry, I had to throw that in there.

Downtown Crossing Dreams

Photo: WBUR

Oh, Downtown Crossing, I’m so sick of you and the boring ideas everyone has to develop you.

Why is everyone pretending they want Downtown Crossing turned into a wannabe Burlington Mall? Whole Foods, Trader Joes & Nordstrom – BLAHHH. Aren’t there enough of these around town already? I’m starting to think avocados should actually cost $3 a piece and that every meal I eat should be served from a salad bar. My life is becoming a mid-level Vegas buffet.

Speaking of Vegas, Downtown Crossing is already the armpit of Boston, why don’t we just settle this Casino debate in Massachusetts already? The downstairs of the vacant Borders looks like it was made for slot machines. Am I right? I’ll tell you one thing I wouldn’t mind doing on my lunch hour – gambling. A chance to escape from my cubicle hell everyday with free drinks and 25-cent slots! Sign me up.


It's like it was made for slot machines.

Could a packed strip sprinkled with a Hooters, Bubba Gump Shrimp Co., Dave & Busters, a wax museum and an ESPN Sports Zone be any worse than what we’ve been looking at for the past decade?

Or how about going total Coney Island style camp? Imagine a sick Dream Machine arcade glistening under the shadow of a half-assed amusement park. Maybe even rip up the concrete, truck in some sand and throw down a nice little Boardwalk. Washington Street is halfway there, the concrete boulevard is already peppered with street meat and t-shirt stands.


Photo: WiredNY

All we’ll need is to add a few hot dog carts, a roller-skating rink and a bowling alley. Wet Seal, Payless, Tello’s, Foot Locker, Rainbow, the pen store on Bromfield – they can all stay. We’ll just add in a few fancier boutiques a la Frederick’s of Hollywood, Hot Topic and maybe even a Piercing Pagoda. The place would be a mecca of trashy shopping.

The city could even make a few bucks off of Downtown Xings current apocalypse aesthetic. The place already resembles a warzone; it would make a perfect paintball or laser tag course.

But really, can’t we just forget about the Filenes legacy altogether and finish bulldozing the eyesore and plant some freaking grass. Would that be so awful?


Note: Thanks to Dan, Chris, Laura & Amber for your colorful commentary. 

Beating a Dead Horse

It’s the hometown dates episode!

Lindzi, who traded her Old Navy dress for some spurs, brings Ben home to introduce him to her horse boyfriends, Black Beauty, Seabiscuit & Mr. Ed. Ben says he’s unfamiliar with horses and never imagined them to be a big part of his life, well buddy, saddle up.

Lindzi talks about her first horse boyfriend and brings Ben on a Chariots of Fire type journey around the ranch.  They sit down for a picnic and Ben shows off his amazing conversation skills.  He keeps remarking on how impressed he is that Lindzi was dumped before.  Buddy, we’ve all been effing dumped, hard.  Lindzi says that she feels vulnerable and admits that vulnerable is also a very big word for her. Makes sense, she's used to words like “horse” “hoof” “mane” and “trot”. 

Just when you thought you’d never see a bigger tool than Ben, we meet Lindzi’s dad Harry.  He challenges Ben to a carriage race – I guess that’s their version of a little one-on-one basketball.  I gotta be honest, Harry seems like that guy in your office you try to avoid at the water cooler. 

Lindzi’s mom says she kept her daughter so busy with cheerleading and horses that Lindz didn’t have much time to date (humans) while Harry bragged about all of Lindzi’s horse and dog siblings. 

Bible Belt Morals

Kacie B. rounds up her old high school marching band and tries to impress Ben with her baton twirling skills.  He says he loved it, but I have to be honest, it seems like he hated it and thought it was weird.  Kacie gives Ben a quick history of her family, who all sound lovely, and Ben looks like he’s looking for a horse to jump on and ride out of there.  Mid-story he sighs and pulls a bottle of booze out of his pocket.  In this moment, Kacie tells Ben that there will definitely not be an open bar at the meeting with her straight edge parents.  My sister Amber reminded me of an apropos Chelsea Handler quote, “There are two types of people I don’t trust: people who don’t drink & people who collect stickers.” 

Ben tells Kacie’s dad about how The Bachelor has helped him talk about his feelings.  Well, this goes over like a lead balloon. Kacie B’s dad doesn’t strike me as a guy that talks about feelings or watches reality television for that matter. In summary: Kacie B.’s family basically sabotage the entire show for Kacie by scaring the shiz out of Ben during his night at their dry campus. 

Can you imagine the fight that ensued at casa de Kacie as soon as the cameras stopped rolling?

Fort Worth Fiasco

Nikki, the dental hygienist, welcomes Ben to Fort Worth, TX.  She immediately outfits him in a cowboy boots, a belt and a hat.  I just wanted to rip his greasy hair and push it under the hat.  If you happen to be turned on by guys in cowboy hats, you should really fast forward through Nikki’s hometown date, Ben is going to ruin it for you. 

Nikki’s parents look exactly like Kacie B.’s parents but they seem way nicer.  They’re so happy for her and supportive.  Thank god she’s not going to win the show.  We don’t need reality television to ruin this nice little family. 

Scrumpets in Scottsdale

Courtney introduces Ben to her fake family that she hired for this episode.  She says it’s a big deal for her to bring a guy home. Makes sense, it’s usually the other way around; guys bring her home every night. 

Court’s dad, who is wearing an argyle sweater in the desert and resembles Bob Barker, tries to talk tough with Ben. While Court’s mom, who’s no stranger to the botox needle seems a little skeptical about Big Ben, but plays nice for the camera.  After they leave the movie set, Ben & Court recite vows (hers plagiarized from a Sex & The City episode) at some sort of fake wedding ceremony which Courtney organized during her time off from her stay at McLean hospital.

Result: Kacie B. is sent home so Ben doesn't have to feel weird about pressuring her to go past second base next episode.  See you in Europe next week!

You Can Dance If You Want To at Heroes

Chris Ewen and Terri Niedzwiecki know how to throw a party – and everyone is invited. On Saturday, February 25th, tease your hair, brush up on your Safety Dance and get your friends – gay, straight, young and old onto Chris and Terri’s “Heroes” dance floor. The new wave Saturday night dance party at TT the Bear’s Place is once again up for Best Dance Night in the Boston Phoenix BEST 2012 Readers Poll. VOTE HERE.

“Heroes” is nothing new, if you know anything about Boston's nightclub history, you might even know Chris & Terri. The dynamic duo met decades ago at Ground Zero and then continued working together at a little place called ManRay. Ever heard of it? Well, ManRay was one of the first clubs around to have a little band called Nirvana play on their stage. There, the Heroes formula – a combination of 80s new wave, retro, electro, punk, old school, Goth, and industrial - was invented.

After ManRay closed, “Heroes” hit the road. With Chris dropping beats and Terri pouring drinks, the “Heroes” dance night journeyed through clubs like Toast, Axis and finally landed at TT the Bear’s Place in Central Square.

This week, I sat down with Chris and Terri to find out what “Heroes” is all about. I wanted the real story behind the night that has twenty-something’s holding their Iphones in the air Shazaming songs like they just don’t care, and forty-something’s feeling like twenty years haven’t passed.

DTRH: Can you share your top ten favorite tracks to keep the Heroes dance floor packed?

DJ Chris Ewen: There's too much great music from that time, so it's almost impossible to narrow it down to a "Top 10"...these are a few of my favorite floor-fillers!

In no particular order: Joy Division: Love Will Tear Us Apart, New Order - Age Of Consent, Siouxsie & The Banshees - Hong Kong Garden, The Violent Femmes: Add It Up, Billy Idol - Rebel Yell, Dancing With Myself, MADONNA, David Bowie - "Heroes", Sound + Vision, Rebel Rebel. Also, electro artists like Yelle, M83, Ladytron, Hercules & Love Affair, Robyn & Lady Gaga...I could go on, but will stop here!

DTRH: What does one wear to Heroes?

Chris: One can wear what one wants...there isn't a dress code. But I personally love it when people dress up to go out to a nightclub, especially "Heroes". We get people who dress in 80s outfits - geometric prints, big hair, etc., some New Romantic or Punk outfits, some Goth attire...it's kind of all over the place. The atmosphere is really very warm and accepting, and the crowd is very diverse, so you can wear what you feel comfortable in. Yes, we do have people in jeans and t-shirts too, but do not worry...no one will judge you!

DTRH: What kind of drinks can we expect from an Evil Dark Drink Slinger?

Terri: Secret drinks are Red Death, Vampire, and Grateful Dead. You can sense a theme going on here. And no, I tell no one what is in them. But, I will say vodka... good Polish girl that I am.

DTRH: Heroes has certainly stood the test of time. Though many have tried to mimic the Heroes formula – no one can compete. How did Heroes come about?

Chris: I guess the secret to the success of "Heroes" is that there was never really a formula beyond playing a lot of great 80s music, and exposing people to some artists and songs they may not have heard before, or had forgotten about but remembered they secretly loved! I started "Heroes" at ManRay way before it became trendy to revive the 80s...it was an experiment I pushed to make happen. Back then, it was initially called Chris' New Wave Party. I mixed some 80s music with indie rock, and some more underground dance music to create an eclectic and different experience from the other gay nights and clubs around town, which were usually all about house, techno, disco and top 40. It caught on, became a regular ManRay Saturday night event, and has, of course, evolved over time, including the name change to "Heroes", which is an homage to David Bowie's album of the same name.

DTRH: Can anyone dance up on stage? Some of the Heroes regulars look like extras from a Duran Duran video – how can we compete with that?

Chris: What do you mean, "extras"? They look like they could be the stars a Duran Duran video! Anyone can dance on the stage, of course. "Heroes" is all for everyone casting aside their inhibitions and having fun. And if you want to be noticed, put a little effort into looking fabulous!

In summary: You haven’t truly lived until you’ve spent a Saturday night dancing your pants off at TT the Bear’s Place for “Heroes” new wave dance party. The next “Heroes” is happening on Saturday, February 25th with the MADONNA “Give Me All Your Luvin” CD Single Release Party. So…I’ll see you there?

VOTE for Heroes in the Phoenix Poll!


Best Dance Night: "HEROES"


Best DJ: Chris Ewen


Best Bartender: Teresa Niedzwiecki



Blogging the Bachelor: Human Shark Chum

I googled "spring break shark attack" to get this awesome image.

Ugh, is it Monday already?

This week, Benny brings the 6 babes to Belize!   The 4 lucky gals that make it through the harrowing week will get to bring Ben home to mom and dad.  I can’t even imagine what my mom would say about bachelor Ben and his floppy hair.

So who’s left?

The Horse Whisperer, The Black Widow, The Darling Divorcee, the Blonde with Bangs, The Smart Pretty One & The Innocent Southern Majorette

Bring your Green Pants

The resident equestrian gets the first date.  The creepy couple hop in a ‘copter and keep the door open.  Ummm…. if being in a helicopter isn’t scary enough, doing it with the door open makes it much easier.  And because this is prime time television, and because Lindzi is deathly afraid of heights, they have to jump out of it. 

Of course they’re not just jumping anywhere, they’re jumping into Belize’s famed “blue hole,” not to be confused with the black hole of reality show has-beens that they’ll immediately be sucked into after this mess is over.     All I can think of is how bruised her body is going to be if she lands wrong.   Obviously, they survive the date and the show cuts to Lindzi wearing her best dress from Old Navy and glossy pink Wet N’ Wild lip-gloss while continuing her date with Ben on the pier.  

For their second date activity, they write a message in a bottle.  But, instead of a message they decide to write an obnoxious “fairy tale” about a mystical woman who’s in love with a horse but a dopey Prince is trying to get her attention.  It wasn’t really about that, but I had to fast forward what they were saying, it was embarrassing.  They then drop the bottle 3 inches from the dock for the resort’s hired hands to find in the morning.

Date 2 Emily

Ben & Emily leave the resort and live it up in Belize.  They ride bikes, join a game of pick-up bball with some locals (scary) and walk around barefoot, shop and then – there’s always a catch, excuse the pun; she has to dive for her own food.   Emily is awesome. I’m fairly certain after catching my lobster and holding it up for the cameras, I’d start choking on my snorkel and have snot all over my face.  But, she looks gorgeous and pretty for the cameras, god I love Emily.  They dance with the locals, blah, eat their lobsters, blah, talk about feelings blah. Overall, I think it went well for Ms. Emily. 

The Black Widow

Meanwhile, Courtney, who you may remember from New Zealand’s smash hit reality show Treasure Island Couples at War, is stressed that she hasn’t gotten another one-on-one date.  But, of course, she’s gets the next date.

She does baby talk, and they go on a hike to some Mayan ruins. He feels bad that it’s “been tough” for Courtney.  It’s sweet that he realizes how tough skinny-dipping in Vieques & stalking him outside his hotel room was for Court.

She tries to outsmart Ben with an ultimatum tactic.  She plays the victim and says she won’t accept a rose from Ben if he’s seriously considering Emily, cuz the blond biatch was such a meanie to Courtney! Easy Taylor Swift, no one’s mean to you.  Ben is an idiot, so he obviously buys it – for now.  But, the red flags go up when Court starts pushing. 

Group Date – Kacie B., Rachel & Nicki

Ben surprises the 3 (un) lucky group date girls at 5 a.m., while they’re still sleeping.   The girls are horrified and have to get ready in 10 minutes - cut to the cameras filming the girls shaving their armpits and baby making areas. Weird.  Anyway, they report for date duty and Ben surprises the girls with a fun filled day of being human shark chum. 

While Kacie B. & Nicki swim with the sharks, Rachel picks her wedge, shows off her tramp stamp and looks for a good place on the boat to vomit or put a bullet in her head.  Ben eventually coaxes Rachel into the water & the girls get mad that Rachel monopolized Ben’s attention. I honestly think he was afraid the girl was going to start hysterically losing it and cause a giant shark attack.

After they survive the almost shark attack, they do the sister wife thing and take turns making out with Ben and telling him how much they care about him.  He gives Kacie B. the rose and then they all sit around and gossip about the Black Widow. 

Rose Ceremony

No cocktail party, Ben knows what he wants! 

Nicki, Lindzi, Courtney and Kacie B. get the rose. Emily and Rachel are headed home - without Ben.  What an idiot.  

Call Your Stylist



Robyn at the 2012 Grammy Awards
Photo: Getty Images

I've thought of wearing my platform workboots and white satin table runner before, but in my defense, I had just left the oral surgeon after having my wisdom teeth taken out.  I'll have you know - I LOVE Robyn.  You haven't lived if you haven't blasted Robyn's "Dancing On My Own" and danced like you really were on your own. Of course you never are, people are laughing at your weird dance moves and your husband/ boyfriend/significant other just doesn't get it.   In summary, her blue collar futuristic Swedish Tilda Swinton look just isn't doing it for me.



   

Gaga, Miranda Lambert, Blake Shelton
Photo: Celebuzz

I've heard of meth face, but mesh face? Really Gaga? Maybe it's a theme, last year she came in an egg, and this year she has hatched into a chicken that is now wrapped up in mesh and for sale in your local grocer's freezer. And not just any chicken, King Chicken!  That said, I will continue to be your committed Little Monster.

Flex Appeal?



Photo: Terry Richardson for Equinox



Equinox is at it again. The luxury gym chain, of which I’m a card carrying member, is no stranger to racy advertisements. However, they’ve really raised the bar (err…stripper pole) this resolution season with their rated (R) ad campaign. Some might say its tongue in cheek. I’d personally call it a little more ‘tongue in mouth’. No surprises here, fashion photog Terry Richardson, who counts Lady Gaga as a muse, was the man behind the camera lens.

The ads feature scantily clad gaunt gals with “come hither” looks on their faces. You get the feeling that they’re about to hop onto more than an elliptical.

Now, let me be clear, I’m no prude, but these advertisements actually make me blush a little bit.  I'm sure I'm not alone, the Boston gym is packed with a bunch of Volvo driving, Whole Foods shopping, lululemon wearing squares. I don’t know if the clientele in NYC, Miami and LA consists of off-the-clock Victoria’s Secret models and VIP cocktail waitresses but in Boston, it sure looks like a lot of accountants.

Well, apparently sex sells gym memberships to straight-edged yuppies. Who knew? Let’s work out! Check out all the ads in Refinery 29's slideshow.

Oh, and, I almost forgot, Happy Valentine’s Day from Equinox!



Photo: Equinox.com



Blogging The Bachelor: Salsa & Scrapbooking in Panama City

Is it just me or does this guy get less and less attractive each week?  Am I really cheating on Chuck and Blair with this tool?

Anyway, Ben brings the gals down to Panama City where they all shack up at the new Trump place. 

Date Card 1 – Kacie B

The two lovebirds hop in a helicopter and Ben brings Kacie to a private island owned by his vampire mother Esme.

What would you pack for a mystery date on a “deserted” island with The Bachelor and a camera crew?  Well, Kacie B. brought a stuffed animal and a bag of candy. Is this girl eleven years old heading out for a sleepover? She must’ve been really surprised when Ben pulled a machete out of his bag.  Umm…if this wasn’t a pre-taped reality television show I’d think this poor southern belle was stuck on a deserted island with a madman serial killer.    

Date 2 – Rainforest Group Date

While Ben winds his banana boat through the river, the girls pretend to be excited. You know they were really hanging on for dear life, just wondering what kind of creatures lurked in that muddy rainforest river. 

They “come upon” a tribe in the rainforest and all get outfitted in clothes that Panamanian rainforest tribe people appearing on Bachelor episodes wear. 

Highlights: Bare-chested Courtney scares the loin-clothed children, shakes her tatas and talks a lot about taking her clothes off.  Meanwhile, the rest of the ladies halfheartedly paint tribal tattoos on each other and dance like the entire country isn’t watching them on national television. 

Back at the cocktail hour portion of the date, Courtney offers to take her clothes off again, Emily makes a joke, Ben laughs, Emily & Courtney exchange words.  But it’s all for nothing, Lindzi the horse whisperer earns the early rose.   

Date 3 – 2 on 1

Rachel, the blonde with the bangs, is kind of an emotional wreck and she’s definitely not into this salsa dancing threesome.  Blakeley is super excited about this because her and the rest of the “VIP Cocktail waitresses” had a “salsa” routine that they used to do in Atlantic City on Sundays when the “VIP” restaurant she danced at had a prime rib special.  I made that up. She is excited though.

The salsa dance date kind of reminds me of the thousand dollars Brian and I threw out the window at the Arthur Murray Dance Studio to learn how to dance for our wedding.  There were lots of 1-2-3’s that we pretended to understand but never really did - kind of like Rachel.  Meanwhile, Blakeley danced like Cha-Cha from Grease.

Clearly, Blakeley brought her scrapbooking supplies with her on the trip and made Benny boy a memory book.  Ben is scurred of the masterpiece and decides to choose Rachel instead.  He sends Blakeley back to the trailer park.

Hoodwinked

Finally, the drama we’ve been waiting for.  What happens with Casey S???? Well, I just watched it and I’m not even really sure.  Her and her denim jumpsuit leave with Chris the host and he accuses her of hoodwinking the producers!!!  She rambles a lot, some he said/she said about an ex-boyfriend. Chris doesn’t buy her story and makes her repeat her nonsensical story to Ben.  Also, we find out that she is a gross crier because Ben sends her packing, Lame, we all know that she just wanted her 15 minutes of fame. 

Scary…  

I refuse to address what Jamie did at the end of the episode.  Luckily, we never have to see her do anything creepy like that again.

Next bikini stop: Belize